chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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