I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
how do you play pong handcuffed?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
