At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
