Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
