i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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