dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
