is your mom at the bar?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
