dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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