I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
