Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
