Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
