imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
