She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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