You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
