Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
