u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
