Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
