i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
