walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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