I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
