I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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