I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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