ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
