So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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