Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My hand turned me down
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
