I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.