just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do