Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.