he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
