We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
