I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my shit smells like andre
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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