I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
