I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
