At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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