I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
