that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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