While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
