K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He has the fingertips of a God
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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