Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
