Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
