I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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