Having a random hookup so left but love u
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
