I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
