Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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