your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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