what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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