THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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