so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
