return my video game
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
