I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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