she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
