it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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