I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I wear drunk well.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
