I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
