I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
