Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
