i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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