i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
