Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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