The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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