Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
