EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
