Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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