we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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