I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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