Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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