That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
