but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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