Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
