lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
