I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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