Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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