Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
