She's JV to your varsity
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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