First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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