so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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