I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
